I saw a fly crash land today.
I don’t know about you, but when I think of flies (as I often do) I imagine them sticking their landing every time. I mean they can walk up walls, hang off of ceilings, and pretty much spin and twirl all around a room. They are basically nature’s acrobats. So I was surprised, to say the least, when before my eyes a fly swooped down onto the table top in front of me. Instead of alighting delicately, with a touch of insectful grace, the fly proceeded to bounce once and roll right onto his (or her) back. The fly wriggled there for a few moments until I helped it on its way by blowing it right off the table.
Do you think the fly was super embarrassed about looking like an idiot? I don’t know if flies have consciousness the way we do (I sometimes don’t know if I have consciousness the way we do) but if they do have self awareness, I bet the fly was probably blushing.
But seriously, who would have thought a fly could mess up like that? I guess it happens. I mean, I KNOW it happens. I saw it.
-Avi
Q: What instrument should a musician not play on the subway platform during the morning commute?
A: The trumpet.
It also makes it hard ordering those salads where you get seven choices.
P.S. This actually happened.
I bought my first digital camera for this Australia trip that I am on. It has approximately seven thousand buttons, dials, and small wheels that spin. There are more settings and options for taking pictures than I can ever learn to use. I am almost positive that this new camera of mine is more technologically advanced than the space shuttle that took the first astronauts to the moon. Heck, I think there’s even a setting for taking pictures of the moon.
I am old enough to remember cameras that had two buttons. One turned it on and off, and one took pictures. There was even a camera that would spit out the picture as soon as you took it. Now, there are filters, shutter speeds, light settings, and even options for whether a person you are taking a picture of is light skinned or dark skinned (a little racist, if you ask me.)
But here I am, in Australia, with a camera so shiny and futuristic that I almost expect it to start talking to me, like the car from Knight Rider. It would say, “Avi, are you sure you want to take a picture of that? It’s a flower. No one needs more pictures of flowers. And you’re a dude. This is just embarrassing.” Or, “congratulations, another blurry picture that may or may not be some kind of bird or rock.”
Needless to say, I would not get along with my camera. But that’s where I think the future of photography is heading.
Talking cameras. You heard it here first.
-Steinberg
p.s. I deny any flower photography. Do not listen to my camera. He is a liar.
I am in Australia now so I won’t be able to post as much or as often for the next few weeks, but I will do what I can.
Here is what I learned so far about Australia:
1) It takes five weeks to get here.
2) Australians all drive on the wrong side of the road. It’s bad driving skills, but at least they are all consistent.
3) Their money looks nothing like American money, and thus is a subject of ridicule.
4) They supposedly speak English, but I have no idea what they are saying.
5) August is winter here. I guess Australia didn’t get the ‘When Summer Is Supposed To Be’ memo.
I will update you with more things I learn as I learn them. All in all, Australia is very similar to America, besides for the Australians. And different flora and fauna. And traffic rules. And shape of continent. (Plus, there is no Canada here.)
-Steinberg
It’s that time of the week again. Rejection Friday!
And boy, did I get rejected! I put so much love into this past week’s cartoons (maybe I should have put in less love and more funny.)
There’s that old quote from Benjamin Franklin that I’m sure you’ve heard. “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” If you are a cartoonist, it’s death, taxes, and being rejected. That’s just the way it is.
Anyway, here are some of the cartoons that “shockingly” didn’t quite make it.
And one more, in case you weren’t convinced that some of these just make no sense whatsoever.
So there you have it. If you’ve enjoyed these, then it makes it all worth it. (False.)
-Steinberg
For all of you cavemen (and women) who are dreaming of eating meat after the 9 Days are over, this is for you:
For all of you vegetarians, this is how your airline makes your salad:
-Steinberg
Here is a quote from the U.S. Department of State website about renewing your passport if you need it in a hurry:
SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT AT A REGIONAL PASSPORT AGENCY ONLY IF:
You need your U.S. passport in less than 2 weeks for international travel.
Here is another quote:
EXPEDITED SERVICE:
As of (Tuesday July 28, 2009 ), we are processing requests for expedited service, that include overnight delivery to and from the Passport Agency, about 2-3 weeks door-to-door.
And when is the soonest appointment you can get? About two weeks.
So to recap. You can only call if you are traveling within fourteen days. They don’t have appointments for around fourteen days. And it will take at least another fourteen days to get your renewed passport.
This is the same government that is protecting us from terrorists.
-Steinberg
I once knew a guy who always had a smile on his face.
It was creepy.