Steinberg Blog

Screwing in paper shades.

And animal crackers.

Sue me.

I don’t think I’d consider myself a world traveler, but I’ve been around the globe once or twice, and I have to say, the “driving” exhibited by motor vehicle owners in Queens, NY is by far the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. Even the word “driving” is almost giving them to much credit. People in Queens clearly have a loose abandonment of self preservation.

But surely Queens doesn’t have the only collection of bad drivers, you say. Well, here’s the breakdown for you.

New Jersey: Incompetent. You feel like you are on the road with a state full of student-drivers. The way most New Jersey drivers behave on the road displays a basic lack of understanding of most, if not all, of Newton’s laws of motion. For example: objects in motion will remain in motion until they hit the front of your Goddam car which is sticking halfway out of the parking lot into oncoming traffic.

Manhattan: Aggressive. They will stop at nothing to get to where they want to go, but they have skills. A city bus driver knows how close to skim a curb without taking out all the passengers waiting to board. A taxi driver doesn’t want to hit a potential customer. And sure, accidents happen, (anyone who chooses to ride their bike in city traffic should not be surprised when they get flipped over the hood of a car) but a lot more people would get hit and be hit if no one knew what they were doing in the city.

Queens: Unstable. They are like two year olds with a case of misplaced anger. They swerve and merge, block traffic, and rear-end each other as if the end of the world is coming and they have mere minutes to get home (or away from) their loved ones. Like a scene out of a post apocalyptic movie, I traveled through the streets of Queens captivated by the anarchistic (which I am surprised to find out is a real word) way in which people took to the roads of their own accord. In most cities, getting from point A to point B involve turns, stoplights, and reacting to others on the road. In Queens, point A to point B is a straight line.

And don’t get me started with Australia. When I was driving in Australia I was the only one driving on the correct side of the road. Seriously. That place is messed up.

-Steinberg

I will let you know soon.

-Steinberg

Some people get S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) during the winter.

I get the C.R.A.P.P.Y.S. (Common Reflexive Affective Photosynthetic Psychological Yearly Syndrome) instead.

It’s much worse.

-Avi

I’m back, which I have no doubt none of you care about. What I bet you’re all wondering is where exactly I’ve been.

Well.

I traveled a little…

Then I took up some after school jobs to help make ends meet.

And you can’t blame me for pursuing a love interest or two…

All in all, it’s good to be back.

-Steinberg

-A can of beans.

-Two vegetable patties each with one slice of melted American cheese.

-Three bowls of cereal.

Don’t tell my mom.

Over Rosh Hashana I realized why the opening of the honey bear is on the head and not at the other end.

Today my five year old student asked me what the difference is between a fish and a piano. I laughed and told him nothing, because both have scales. He shook his head disappointedly at me at me and said, “you can’t tuna fish.”